Because honestly, when things aren't going well, I don't want to read about when things were going well. It just makes me feel even worse.
Anywho...now I can only speculate. Where did I fall apart this time? What made me stop giving a rat's ass for a while and, more importantly, how can I keep that from happening again??
One theory is that it really was (at least in part) the stupid scale. Messing with my mind. Not just that the one in my bedroom is the most inconsistent thing ever created, but also because it is so far off from what the scale at work and the scale at my doctor's office reads. This is known: the scale at work and the scale at my doctor's office are what I consider reliable. Super expensive medical-grade professional blah blah blah reliable. Even when my home scale was consistent, those two scales were 8 pounds more than my home scale was. Eight pounds is a LOT. It's the difference between almost 210 (212) and still in the 220's (220) at the same dang weight. Stupid mind tricks.
So I stopped stepping on the scale for a while. For weeks. And other things happened, for other reasons my mental health took a hit. I stopped taking one of my medications which, in addition to being a mood stabilizer was also an appetite suppressant. Don't ever do that, kids. That leads to a vicious circle of, well if I'm not taking that one anymore, maybe I don't need this one anymore, either. Don't ever do that, either, kids.
Long story short, I'm back on my meds. Two of the three meds I take for mood stabilization also have appetite suppressant effects. When I'm in the right mindset, I can harness those powers for good (lol).
I gained some weight back. Not as much as before, but the fact that I gained any back is not something I'm happy about. However, I'm not exactly sure how much I really did lose because of the scale fiasco, so, yeah.
I have decided to ONLY go by the scale at work. That is what I am using for my official weigh-in (and by that, I mean the weight I enter on MyFitnessPal) now and going forward, since a few weeks ago. The scale upstairs in my room can take a flying leap. Then I know I am getting an accurate, consistent measurement, and I'm not going to overdo it because I'm still only there an average of 2-3 days per week.
So, this was a good week. I've stayed pretty on track with my food plan. I thought I looked and felt like maybe I'd lost a little bit, but I know better than to get my hopes up. So imagine my surprise when I got on the scale yesterday and was down three pounds since Tuesday! (And on Tuesday I was down two pounds from the Friday before!) It's amazing how losing three pounds can suddenly make a person feel like they're skinny. Or is that just me?
So, here I am again. Isn't there a saying about, it's not about how many times you quit, it's about how many times you get up and try again? Well, if there isn't, there should be. I might be a lot of things, but I'm not a quitter. HA HA HA HA.
And that's where I'm at right now. Feeling defeated? Yes. But feeling like I can still win this battle, heck yes! I'm not out, just down.
